My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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