In the future we'll all be gay
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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