You smell like stripper and shame
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
