Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
