The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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