I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
