im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
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