i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
