Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
