He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My balls are so social today.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
