I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
