She said her name was "party"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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