at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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