awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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