my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The dick lei will go down in squad history
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So apparently I’m into choking now
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