ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
