I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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