Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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