How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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