Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
