And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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