Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
