Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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