And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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