What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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