nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
