Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
