I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Its about making memories worth repressing
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
