That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
