I wish I could punch you in the face.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
