You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
