Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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