He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
