At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We're facebook friends in real life
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
