Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
