theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
