Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
