I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
