What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
