are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
