I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
