Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
