The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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