Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
