don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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