12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You ate ashes out of my bong
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
