chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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