He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
