she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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