hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
