Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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