dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
