I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
